Being respectful in streams

While I have always been told that I'm "abrasive", "insensitive", and "immature", I have been learning about non-violent communication and empathy through reading and practicing in safe spaces. Recently a series of events made me realized that I'm need to invest more time in interpersonal communication skills. 

    I have been thinking about a series of reactions that happened this week. Yesterday, I finally have an inkling of the fact that my behaviors in other people's streams were offensive. During Tenshii EXE's stream, I made a bad joke to eddyokhan in the chat. I didn't realize the joke was not obvious until he asked me "do you think I'm a clown" to which I apologize in chat, saying that I would stop with that joke, and DM them apologizing again and asking what I can do to make it up in an attempt to make it up.

    Afterward, another streamer I have been follower for a long time was streaming, I hopped over to indikaze's stream. I learned from last time that he prefers studying with Duolingo, and taking it slowly to build a strong foundation, my method of identifying the part of speech and matching it to the particles weren't helpful. I tried to be supportive, and stay chatting with the other chatters, who are very advance in Japanese. Towards the end of the stream, I had an eureka moment, realizing that I should be more focused on the streamer, instead of the other chatters.

    I took some time to talk to people in a safe place regarding boundaries, and what I can do to be more aware for the future social situation. The idea was to practice making jokes in a safe space, learning and practice boundaries, let go of what I can't control, and test the water before joking with people.

    Too bad that the next day, the first thing I did was study and join FETAfumetti's stream. While no one said anything, put me in timeout, or ban me, I broke what I said I won't do, which was distracting the stream by shifting the chat focus onto myself. I don't know if I did, but I felt like I did, so I lurked in the stream to support FETAfumetti. Tenshii EXE streamed in a bit after FETAfumetti's stream started, so I lurked in her stream as well.

    It took me far too long, 3 streams and about 2 days later, which was too long, and too much harm were done. I'm writing this to keep myself accountable and remind myself that it was rude to the streamers and chatters. In the future, I would spend more time improving myself to avoid hurting people because of my carelessness.

    I want to apologize to these streamers and chatter privately, but I don't know if I'm being dramatic or petty, even if I think I'm at fault.

To: Tenshii EXE, eddyokhan, FETAfumetti, and indikaze:

I'm truly sorry about my thoughtless and I'll be more conscious of ways to support your channel without being disruptive.

    My solution for that is to step out of my comfort zone more often, and speak up more in a safe place, allowing me to get feedback from people. Before joining other people's stream, I would take a breather, and remind myself of my mistakes, and what are the proper etiquette. Most importantly, I should wait for the other speaker's reaction before continue on joking.